I’m trying to deal with this right, it’s not happening thought. I just want to be normal again, I just want people to understand. I hate this, I hate today. I want this to be over with.
On the plus side, I finished my project and my paper 
. So, that’s good.
I’m going to update you on my life lately. I’ve been really in a struggle. I’ve been trying to deal with a lot of stuff. Let’s start with the first of the year. I got a very unexpected text message that has fucked up my entire thinking. I hate/love this person at the same time. But, I dont’ love him like he loves me. I just want to be friends, but I don’t know how to tell him that. I mean, he was a big part of my life, but he’s not anymore. He makes things complicated.
But thats not the worst of it, One of my leaders friends was in a very bad car accident, her chances of living are slim. I’m real scared because I don’t want to lose her. She was a big influence on my life my first year at BRLS, she’s one of the people who got me to be as outgoing as I am now. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be the exact me. She’s one of those people that when you meet them and you love them, and I love that about her. She’s a fighter and she has to make it through. She just has too. But this is the second hardest thing I’ve had to ever go through, and the thought of losing her is unbearable. I want to be okay again and I want to know she’ll be fine. Her sister has been a big encouragement though, she’s really helping me. In a way, we are both helping each other. The only thing that keeps me going is Joshua 1:9. I will not lose faith about this, I’m going to keep fighting for her although I know that she is fighting for herself as well. That’s hard. I love you CapriSUN.
Next, My dad is trying to re-establish our relationship, and I’m just not sure it can be mended from here. He’s hurt me too much and I just don’t consider him my father anymore. I think I have made up my mind to be strong and stand up for this, He doesn’t deserve to be an ass to me, therefore, he doesn’t deserve my time.
I’m really stressing about college, my parents have me freaked. I just don’t feel like I’m good enough for what they expect. But, it’s whatever. Sorry I’m not that girl with the 4.0 every college after her, kinda gal. I just want to be me. I have higher priorities in line for me.
I’m growing in the YMCA more and more each day! I love it there, it’s like my home. I spend more time there than I do at my own house. It’s where I find security because I know everyone, I like that, a whole lot.
I think I actually may get all honors classes next year, so I am excited. I really want to show the colleges, and myself that I am capable of more than I am showing. I’m actually really smart, I just don’t put effort into anything anymore. I just don’t care, but it’s whatever, riiiight?
Lastly, I have an amazing best friend who has been there for me a whole lot lately, she’ll never understand just how much I appreciate that. I really have been blessed with amazing friends, but I have an amazing best friend!
I’m hanging in there. Everything will be normal soon.
