No Title

what the fuck..

thephaupster — Fri, 08 Feb 2008 19:59:17 +0000

How does someone take points off your grade for not being here?…It’s not like I could help it. Sorry I was in the Hospital. I’m the best student in the Spanish class anyways so why would it matter. You know I can speak spanish better than all of them, so why bother? That makes no fucking sense!!!!

trustttt

thephaupster — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 18:38:28 +0000

I hate feeling like I can trust nobody anymore.

blah.

thephaupster — Thu, 07 Feb 2008 17:57:18 +0000

I feel like life lately has been an underwater struggle where I don’t have enough air to breathe. I feel like everything that I want/need is one step above my reach. I can’t get what I want/need anymore. I hate it. I want to feel like I can do everything that I used to be able to. Right now, I’m in Biolgoy and we’re talking about the G word, and I hate that. As If people aren’t sensitive to it. Apparently some teacher was shot in a classroom in Ohio, and My teacher and this chick Rachel are talking about it and Mrs. Liss is talking about how she’s afraid someone will come in and shoot her brains out. And then, tomorrow we’re doing a murder mystery activity in class, and guess what it has to do with!!!! G words, yay. I hate this. I’m sick of being sensitive to it, but I just can’t help it. I hate that I can’t be normal most days. Last night was one of the hardest nights of my life, and I hate it so much. I just feel like jumping out of a window sometimes, not really. I know that won’t help anything. Nobody seems to understand, It’s like I’m in a world where there’s one person who understands what I’m going through, and that person won’t talk to me. I don’t know how to get this person to talk to me about this subject…but I need them too. Blah, It’s not like it matters. Maybe I’m being selfish. Yay, my teacher is talking about shooting other people now. Can people understand sensitivity? I guess not. Anyways, I’m done for now, I’ll update during extended study.

I’ll always miss you.

whenever

thephaupster — Thu, 31 Jan 2008 05:08:58 +0000

life gets to be okay something else happens. Am I strong enough to handle this? Blah I’m tired of bad news, Let’s get some good news for once? Maybe I’m strong enough to handle each trial after trail. Or maybe I’m gaining something out of it, I’m not sure but I’m trying to be positive. I’m going to hang in there though because I’m going to be happy if it kills me. Joshua 1:9

today i’m sixteen

thephaupster — Tue, 29 Jan 2008 14:35:54 +0000

and I couldn’t miss you more.

But I know you’re here and always will be

i love youu

Protected: don’t read this.

thephaupster — Fri, 18 Jan 2008 20:41:00 +0000

This post is password protected. You must visit the website and enter the password to continue reading.

surveyz

thephaupster — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 16:25:50 +0000

1. The first question is obvious – Are you bored?
Well, Obviously

2. How long have you been bored?
Since 7:20 this morning.

3. Do you think this survey will be boring?
Oh, no, not at all.

4. Do you have wallpaper in your room?
Fuck wallpaper

5. Did you ever eat a crayon when you were little?
Yes, what didn’t I eat when I was little?

6. How tall is your uncle?
The tallest uncle is 6’9!

7. What kind of dishwasher detergent do you use?
Unfortunately, yes.

8. Do you have a favorite sports team?
Baseball-da sox, Football- cowboys, Soccer-Womens nationals!, and I really like UVA football too.

9. How are they doing this year?
Sox are doing alright, Cowboys are doing real well!, Womens team hasn’t played, and UVA is doing bad, as always.

10. What’s the most boring movie you’ve ever sat through?
This one, Julius Caesar.

11. What subject in school is the most boring?
Deffinently not english, Bambi keeps everything interesting.

12. Did you ever have a cat that got stuck in a tree?

Actually, yes!

13. Who are you voting for in 2008?
donald.

14. Sandals or flip-flops?
Flip Flops, son!

15. Ever accidently broken a window while playing baseball?
Ha, no!

16. What’s your dream car?
My babyyyyy!

17. Most boring show on TV?
A whole lot.

18. Does yard work bore you?
I love to farm, NOT!

19. What size shirt do you wear?
I’m a small/medium.

20. Who was your 6th grade English teacher?
Alley, she was so nice!

21. How much money is in your wallet/purse right now?
I actually have a whole lot, like 110 or something.

22. Do you use your cell phone’s alarm clock to wake up in the morning?
Yeah, I wake up to reveille

23. Describe the ugliest house on your block
THE KITTTY HOUSE!

24. Do you like candy corn?
Oh, yeah, I do!

25. How many posters do you have in your room?
Not a single one, I’m more of a contemporary adult look. I like suttle

26. Golf on TV. Boring?
No, It’s my favorite thing to watch.

27. Is your room clean or dirty right now?
Very “dirty” if you know what I mean

28. What was your longest relationship?
10 and 1/2 months…

29. Do you still talk to that person?
We just started talking again.

30. Was this survey boring?
Somewhat.

I’m done, I’m doing something more important.

I love you Capri.

good news :)

thephaupster — Thu, 17 Jan 2008 15:21:16 +0000

Things are starting to look up. I got snow today . I’m so incredibly happy right now. It’s 10:20, i’m living off little sleep and today should have been the day that I was going to be in a really bad mood, but guess what. I’m happy, for the first time in months. It’s amazing, i’m real happy.

post more later

today is really hard :/

thephaupster — Wed, 16 Jan 2008 15:05:18 +0000

I’m trying to deal with this right, it’s not happening thought. I just want to be normal again, I just want people to understand. I hate this, I hate today. I want this to be over with.

On the plus side, I finished my project and my paper . So, that’s good.

I’m going to update you on my life lately. I’ve been really in a struggle. I’ve been trying to deal with a lot of stuff. Let’s start with the first of the year. I got a very unexpected text message that has fucked up my entire thinking. I hate/love this person at the same time. But, I dont’ love him like he loves me. I just want to be friends, but I don’t know how to tell him that. I mean, he was a big part of my life, but he’s not anymore. He makes things complicated.

But thats not the worst of it, One of my leaders friends was in a very bad car accident, her chances of living are slim. I’m real scared because I don’t want to lose her. She was a big influence on my life my first year at BRLS, she’s one of the people who got me to be as outgoing as I am now. If it wasn’t for her, I wouldn’t be the exact me. She’s one of those people that when you meet them and you love them, and I love that about her. She’s a fighter and she has to make it through. She just has too. But this is the second hardest thing I’ve had to ever go through, and the thought of losing her is unbearable. I want to be okay again and I want to know she’ll be fine. Her sister has been a big encouragement though, she’s really helping me. In a way, we are both helping each other. The only thing that keeps me going is Joshua 1:9. I will not lose faith about this, I’m going to keep fighting for her although I know that she is fighting for herself as well. That’s hard. I love you CapriSUN.

Next, My dad is trying to re-establish our relationship, and I’m just not sure it can be mended from here. He’s hurt me too much and I just don’t consider him my father anymore. I think I have made up my mind to be strong and stand up for this, He doesn’t deserve to be an ass to me, therefore, he doesn’t deserve my time.

I’m really stressing about college, my parents have me freaked. I just don’t feel like I’m good enough for what they expect. But, it’s whatever. Sorry I’m not that girl with the 4.0 every college after her, kinda gal. I just want to be me. I have higher priorities in line for me.

I’m growing in the YMCA more and more each day! I love it there, it’s like my home. I spend more time there than I do at my own house. It’s where I find security because I know everyone, I like that, a whole lot.

I think I actually may get all honors classes next year, so I am excited. I really want to show the colleges, and myself that I am capable of more than I am showing. I’m actually really smart, I just don’t put effort into anything anymore. I just don’t care, but it’s whatever, riiiight?

Lastly, I have an amazing best friend who has been there for me a whole lot lately, she’ll never understand just how much I appreciate that. I really have been blessed with amazing friends, but I have an amazing best friend!

I’m hanging in there. Everything will be normal soon.

nobody

thephaupster — Mon, 31 Dec 2007 01:54:35 +0000

understands me, or this or anything. i”m so frustrated and I hate everything.